Rehearse Life Roles Each Day

Each of us has several roles in our lives. Some are mothers, wives, employees. Others are fathers, sons, husbands. Most are also friends to another or many. Some are runners, golfers, quilters and writers. Some roles require similar skills and talents. Many roles demand different skills and talents and varying degrees of dedication and passion.

We usually excel in those roles for which we are very passionate. Passion drives us to be the best father and best husband. Sometimes, though, being passionate about an endeavor doesn’t necessarily equate to excellent outcomes. I am passionate about golf. One can argue that I’m addicted to the game. However, passion aside, I’m not a very skilled golfer. Likewise, I was once a devoted runner. I never won any running awards, but I certainly gave my best whenever I ran a race.

The thought occurred to me that life is but a play, a theatrical production. Each person is an actor in her own lifelong play. If we are actors, why don’t we prepare as actors do? Why don’t we audition and rehearse every day for our daily roles or roles we wish to pursue? I seldom play a round of golf without at least a minimum level of practice which usually includes hitting a full bucket of balls and 10 – 15 minutes practicing putting. Keep in mind that my practice sessions do not always equate to low scores, but at least I manage to minimize my errant shots during the round.

If I rehearse before a round of golf, why don’t I do likewise in my other, more important roles of husband, father, grandfather, friend, writer, etc.?  Why don’t I take time each day to audition and rehearse my role as spouse? I could easily take a few moments to reflect on what I hope to accomplish each day in each role. I can engage in self dialogue that would support my goal to be the best husband. I can also create new dialogue and in doing so, I can possibly create a new self.
One could argue that most successful people dialogue with themselves each day in a positive way. Athletes certainly practice positive self talk. By doing so, they condition themselves for success. An actor rehearses his lines countless times, often in front of a mirror, before auditioning for a part in a movie or play.  Why don’t we do the same?

I’m in my late sixties. I realize that I’m on the far side of life’s mountain. However, I’m still breathing. My heart still pumps and my lungs continue to function. As long as I’m alive, I will continue to strive for self improvement.I realize that as I continue to age, my physical capabilities will gradually dwindle. Yet, I can strive for excellence appropriate for my physical condition and age.  Why should I settle for less than my best?

I plan to change my dialogue. My goal is to rehearse each day for my different roles. No one else will assume those responsibilities. Nor can they. After all, I am the author and playwright of my life.

© December 2016

William Charles

A Stranger's Gift

                     

 It was a cold and damp wintry afternoon many years ago.  The space heater was ablaze in the front room of our small, frame shotgun house.  The room served not only as a living room but also as a bedroom.  With only two bedrooms and seven occupants, sleeping accommodations were at a premium. So, the living room served as the third bedroom.  The couch was also a bed.  During the day we sat upon it; at night we unfolded the bulky piece of furniture and it became a bed for two of five siblings. At different times over the years, the five siblings, two daughters and three sons, made that room their bedroom. 

The insulation was poor and there were many cracks in the paint and woodwork alongside the windows and doors.  In the winter, cold air easily penetrated these numerous, narrow openings and mixed with the heat from the open flame of the space heater.  The combination of cool, moist outdoor drafts and the warm dry air of the heater produced condensation which streaked down the walls and windows in uneven lines and patterns.  We would say of the streaks of condensation that the walls were “sweating.”

            I was only seven or eight years old at the time, but the memory of that day is still vivid in my mind.  My mother was in the kitchen, smoking homemade cigarettes she rolled herself with a small cigarette rolling device. She would insert a small piece of cigarette paper into the top of the machine, pour enough tobacco to ensure a good smoke and then she rolled the cigarette by operating the lever on the machine. It was cheaper than buying a pack of cigarettes.   As usual, she was drinking a cup of chicory laced coffee.  It was a Monday and the aroma of red beans simmering on the stove permeated the entire house.

My father, a streetcar conductor, was between shifts.  He lay in bed sleeping.  Mom would wake him later and he would freshen up, dress and return to the streetcar barn located on Willow and Dublin streets in the Carrollton area of New Orleans for his second shift of the day.

I was in the living room as usual playing with some of my toys.  The television was on but because dad was sleeping, the volume was low.

There was a knock on the front door.  There was little crime in New Orleans in the fifties so it was not uncommon for the front door to be unlocked or to open the door without  first asking who was there.  Besides, it was always someone we knew, a neighbor or an acquaintance. Perhaps it was Mr. Schiro, the insurance agent who personally collected insurance premiums weekly from his customers. Or the person knocking could be the Community Coffee representative who delivered his product to homes. 

I opened the door only to find a stranger standing outside.  He was tall and thin.  His face was gaunt and the speckled stubble on his cheeks and chin matched what hair showed from beneath a soiled, beige baseball cap.  His hands were stuck in the pockets of an obviously old and weathered windbreaker.  His elbows were drawn in and his shoulders hunched upward in an attempt to better fend off the chilly breeze. 

His eyes caught my attention.  Dark brown, they were set deep in their protective sockets and they seemed lifeless.  They spoke of misery and want and hinted of a lifetime of pain.  He looked pathetic and ravaged.

"Is your mother in son?"

 I didn't even bother to close the door nor did I invite him in from the cold.  I ran quietly through the two bedrooms and into the kitchen. I was careful not to wake my dad from his midday nap.

"Mom, there's a man at the door."

"Who is he and what does he want, Billy?"

             I hadn’t asked so I couldn't tell her.

She followed me to the front room.  The door and the stranger were exactly as I had left them.  Mom studied the stranger.  I detected a slight frown on her face but I didn't think it was one of anger.  I stood by her side, clutching her dress.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but I’m out of work.  Been out of work for a long time.  I'm broke and I'm hungry. Ain't had nothin' to eat in a couple of days.  Can you spare some food?"

Mother hesitated, apparently eyeing up the stranger in an effort to assess the truth.  Suddenly, her countenance changed.  I saw it in her eyes.  A wave of pity and empathy enveloped her. 
"Sure.  My dinner's not cooked yet but, I can make a sandwich for you if that's OK."

 He bowed his head slightly, almost embarrassed by his condition. He replied in a low voice, “I'd really appreciate that ma'am."

 She started toward the kitchen and then stopped abruptly.

"Please, come in from the cold.  Have a seat but, please be quiet.  My husband's asleep."

The stranger nodded.  He entered the house tentatively as if he were entering forbidden territory.

 "Billy, keep the man company."

 I sat on the floor.  The television was on but my eyes were on our guest.  He was poor and I felt sorry for him.   He didn't say a word.  He only stared at the floor with his plaintive eyes.  He loosened his shoulders somewhat as the warmth of the room quickly embraced him.

Within minutes mom returned with two sandwiches wrapped in wax paper, an apple and a small container of milk.

            "If you like," she said, "you can eat in here."

He rose to his feet and took the offering. 

"No thank you ma'am.  You've been kind enough and I'll just move along.  Thank you so much and may God bless you."

He opened the door and slipped back into the cold air.  I stood behind the eight-foot windows that stretched from the living room floor to just two feet from the ceiling. Through the condensation that covered the thin pane of glass I watched the stranger.  He descended the porch stairs, opened the gate and walked north on Green Street.  Within moments, he was out of view.

I was saddened by this event.  We were of modest means.  Some might even have considered us poor, but we always had food to eat and a roof over our heads.  I had never known poverty nor witnessed it before. Yet, here it had been, right in my living room.  I didn't know quite how to respond.

I prayed.  I asked God to help that poor stranger.  I promised God that if he would make that man a millionaire then I would become a priest.  All he had to do, I thought, would be to send Michael Anthony,  The Millionaire's executive secretary to the stranger. The Millionaire was a weekly television series during the fifties.  Each week, John Beresford Tipton, a wealthy philanthropist would select a person in need, usually one who was down in their luck.  He would dispatch Anthony who would present the recipient with a cashier’s check for one million dollars.  The millionaire changed lives in a moment.  That happened every week on television. Why couldn’t it happen to the stranger who had entered my life so briefly?  Like most seven or eight years old at the time, I didn't know that the popular television show was simply fiction.

In the ensuing years, I would think of that incident occasionally.  I don't know what ever happened to the stranger.  Did he get back on his feet?  Did he find work? Did he die alone and poor with no one to care for him?  Did he become a millionaire?  I hope the latter didn't happen because I'm married now with three children.  I don't think God would want me as a priest.

As I've grown, my faith has grown also.  Somehow, in my heart I believe God has taken care of the stranger, if not in this life then in the next.

I'm grateful to that tall, gaunt man who entered my life one cold afternoon so many years ago.  He allowed me to see a generous, sympathetic side of my normally pugnacious and argumentative Irish mother. He gave me a memory of her that I still hold dear today.  His brief visit and my mother's response also instilled in me a sympathetic heart towards those in need.

On that day, over fifty years ago, a stranger received a gift of two sandwiches, an apple, a container of milk and a dose of compassion from my mother. Little did he know that I would receive an even more precious, wonderful and enduring gift from him.

Thank you stranger.

© September 2016
William Charles

One Inch Obit

Jarod, a young African American from Birmingham, Alabama, passed away earlier this week. He was thirty four years old. I didn’t know Jarod personally and, after reading his obituary, I can’t say that I know much more about him other than his name, age, race, place of birth and the funeral home handling his burial. I don’t even know the cause of his death. I only know he died. His obituary was painfully sparse.  Apparently, no one preceded him in death.  He left no survivors. No parents. No brothers and sisters. No aunts, uncles, nephews or nieces. For all practical purposes, he came into this world as he left it: alone. 

Like so many obituaries, he is nothing more than a passing thought. I’m not sure how much obits costs. I assume the cost is word based. Thus, for those with little, little is included in their final announcements

.

There were other meager one paragraph obituaries in today’s newspaper.  Like Jarod’s, a reader learns very little about the deceased other than their names and dates of death. It’s sad that so many people leave this world as naked as they entered. They are simply corpses to be handled and buried as quickly and as efficiently as possible. In Jarod’s case, his is a young corpse, much too young to die. But life doesn’t come with guarantees or warranties. There is no limit on the span of life. Some leave moments after they arrive. Others are blessed with decades upon decades.

The contrast between obituaries of many who lived full lives compared to the Jarod’s of the world is stark. The former include much relevant information such as the names of parents, siblings and survivors, branch of military service, the company worked for, etc.  In some cases, a lot of irrelevant information is cited. Who cares if Abel was the most avid Alabama fan? How can anyone arrive at such inane superlatives?  Who is to say there isn’t a more avid Alabama fan somehere in this state or in this nation? I’m sure the many cemeteries throughout the state have buried the most avid of Tide fans.  

Despite the lack of information I have to believe someone, somewhere is mourning Jarod’s death. Someone, a family member or friend, loved him or at least knew him. It’s a shame that that information could not have been included if for no other reason than to appease those like me who wonder about such things.

I’ve never given much thought before to those whose lives and deaths are captured in a one inch obit. Surely they were important to someone.  I don’t know much about Jarod. But, I believe he deserved more than one inch of space. Everyone does.

© July 2015

William Charles

Wisdom Beyond Her Years

I couldn't believe my ears.   How could anyone thank God for their brain tumor?  A brain tumor is the last thing I would offer thanks for. Yet, here was Cindy, our incredibly beautiful and unique daughter-in-law, admitting that she thanks God every day for the astrocytoma tumor that lies at the base of her brain, a tumor so situated that doctors cannot risk removing it.  The tumor is benign and hopefully it will remain so.  Still, I cannot fathom anyone, much less someone I love, being appreciative of its existence.

What makes Cindy so grateful for such a dreadful condition?  We were eating breakfast at Shoney's a few days after Christmas.  My wife and I would soon leave for home in Birmingham and we were enjoying a meal with our son Jeffrey and his wife.  The four of us discussed Christmas, family and other subjects.

Our banter turned a bit more serious as Jeffrey talked about things that irritate or upset him.  He's not unlike most people.  Let’s admit it, most of us become aggravated with things or situations, some of which are beyond our control. Whether it's our jobs, an inconsiderate motorist who cuts us off in traffic or simply the weather, at times we allow ourselves to become irritated.  It’s been part of the human condition since the beginning of time.

                "What irritates you?" I asked Cindy.

                "Nothing, Mr. Bill, absolutely nothing."   I knew she was being genuine.

                "I thank God every day for my brain tumor," she added matter-of-factly.

                I was surprised by her last remark.  "What do you mean you are thankful for your tumor?"

                "I thank God every day for the tumor," she repeated.  "Because I know what's important in life and I try to enjoy each day as a blessing."

                "So, nothing irritates you?"

                "I used to get worked up about material things.  Things like owning a house or if the apartment were messy.  Not anymore.  Those things aren't important at all."

I was nearly speechless. My young daughter-in-law was sharing a slice of wisdom with me.  I had never seen Cindy as a person attached to material things, yet apparently she had been, at least to some degree.  Now, after being struck with an inoperable brain tumor, she had discovered a truth that isn't easily grasped by most people.   It's not the things we accumulate in life that give us real comfort but the love we are able to share each and every day.  It’s the blessings we receive when we avail ourselves to them.   She had learned the wisdom offered by Jesus in Mathew 6: don't worry about tomorrow; today's worries are sufficient.  Yet, Cindy had taken God's message a step further.  She doesn't worry at all.

 It's not easy living each day as if it's our last on earth.  It takes a simple approach to life to do so.  Modern life is so complicated and complex.  Too many gadgets and demands control our lives.  Yet, Cindy offers us another way to view the blessings we are afforded each day.  Live life. Love life.  Love all.

© December 2002

William Charles

A Life Not Yet Lived

Too many people find themselves caught up in countless “coulda, woulda, shoulda’s.” They lament what they might have been rather than celebrate who they are. Their lives might be a series of regrets over personal choices or decisions. They wallow in a deep quagmire of self pity, remorse and sorrow over what they perceive they lost or what they never pursued in the first place. I sympathize for such people. They are stuck in a past that never was, yet they fantasize about what might have been if only they “woulda” chased their elusive dreams or made better choices.


We all have dreams. Some are sleep induced. Others are conscious. The difference between the two is that the former is mere fantasy; the latter offers hope and promise provided one acts on his dreams.

How many times have we heard athletes who achieved greatness and stardom say that since they were children they have dreamed of throwing the winning touchdown pass in the Super Bowl or that they dreamed of hitting a 3 – 2 pitch for the game winning home run in the bottom of the ninth inning of the World Series? Their dreams were conscious dreams and played a role in shaping who and what these athletes became. Dreams led to goals and goals required plans and plans demanded commitment. What distinguishes those who accomplish from those who don’t is not necessarily the lack of dreams by those who don’t achieve but rather the lack of plans and commitments. I can dream all I want about running a marathon but if I don’t establish a training plan and commit to it then I will likely end up on the couch watching television as someone else achieves my dream. Such dreams are no less fantasy than the dreams one experiences during sleep. They may entertain and amuse but they will likely remain in the realm of make believe.

A life not yet lived does not necessarily have to be delusional. Regardless of one’s age or status in life, he can pursue the life not yet lived provided he is willing to plan, commit and sacrifice. Make no mistake, most dreams and pursuits in life require personal sacrifice. Sacrifice can be as simple as setting aside a specific amount of time each day or week to read and learn. Or, it can be as physically challenging as training daily for a marathon. Golfers like me marvel at the short game skills of professionals. The pro golfer is adept at pitching, chipping and putting. Most pros can chip to within inches of the hole leaving nothing more challenging than a tap in putt. But golfers like me fail to take into consideration the pro’s dedication to the short game. Professionals practice and practice and practice still more to achieve the success they seek in their short game. Practice demands commitment and vice versa.

If one truly commits to living a life not yet lived then he will do those things that will draw him closer to his goals. Even if he should fall short of his actual goal at least he will know that he gave it his all or, as so many athletes claim, “they left it all – meaning their efforts – on the field.” If that were to be the case then there is no shame in failing. There is only shame in the failure to plan and commit.

Dreams without plans and commitment are nothing more than pipe dreams.







©December 2011

W. J. Charles

Mirror, Mirror ....

Mirrors lie. They only reflect what we desire them to. My reflected image isn’t bad at all. After shaving and grooming my hair, I believe I look pretty good. In fact, I might even argue that I’m handsome. I know. That sounds vain and narcissistic, but, my body looks pretty good too as it stares back at me. My waist certainly doesn’t appear to be 36”, which means, that the tape measure probably lies also. My biceps and triceps are huge, at least, according to my bathroom mirror. The love handles that border my waist are hardly noticeable. At least, no one has mentioned them to me. So, I certainly won’t take notice either. Nor will I mention them. The bottom line is I like the guy who looks back at me from the mirror.


Photographs are another matter. Somehow, photos capture what the mirror doesn’t. I can’t figure out why my hair and my mustache appear so gray in photos? They don’t look gray in the mirror. Why does the sixty-four year old skin below my chin and on my neck sag so much in pictures? Where in the hell did those wrinkles come from and how did they suddenly emerge? My skin is near perfect in my mirror reflection. And, this is a pet peeve: my face is not nearly as thin in photographs as it is in the mirror.

After viewing digital reproductions from our 40th wedding anniversary surprise dinner, I’m perplexed. Which device tells the truth? Is it the mirror or the camera? I’d like to believe the mirror is honest. But, after considerable thought and reflection, I have come to the conclusion that I am, after all, sixty-four years old. In fact, I have aged since I began writing this article and will continue to age with each heartbeat. My hair isn’t as brown as it once was. My skin isn’t as taut as that of a 30 year old. Although I exercise regularly, my body is showing the unmistakable signs of aging. I may be getting better with age but I’m not sure what I’m getting better at.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I must slow down the aging process. Normally, that’s not easily accomplished without substances such as Human Growth Hormones. However, I choose not to use HGH or similar substances. Instead, I will choose a simpler approach. Effective immediately, I will permit no photographs of myself. At least in that way, my physical age will be frozen in time at the age of sixty-four.


© March 2008

William Charles

No Gimmes

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There are no "gimmes" in real life. There are no concessions for those who seek success. Just as the successful golfer doesn't pick up his ball before putting out, so too a person striving for success doesn't seek any concessions regardless of the challenge. No matter if one is pursuing physical, mental, spiritual or financial goals, the road to success is void of gratuitous gimmes.

Someone who is serious about losing weight or becoming better conditioned, will not find success in a pill or a bottle or an exercise that doesn't stress the body. The overweight and out-of-conditioned person must face the fact that pain is the result of sacrifice and sacrifice leads to success. It isn't easy to change one's diet from the typical American fare to a diet, lower in calories and fat. Cheeseburgers taste better than soy burgers, malts better than no-fat milk. But, the woman whose goal is to shed ten, twenty or thirty pounds, needs to realize that sacrifice will be necessary.

Few athletes expect to reach the pinnacle of success by sitting in front of a television most of the day. To become the best they can be, the runner must train, the golfer must practice and the football lineman must increase his strength. In all cases, they must sacrifice. What goal would be worth reaching if just anyone could attain it? Even the social runner trains, if not for speed or endurance, at least for health. As one who has trained for and completed three marathons, I know from experience the sacrifice required to complete a marathon in the less-than-world class time of four hours. Yet, I also know that the typical couch potato can not do what I and many others have done, unless of course, they arise from the couch and run.

Running is not without discomfort. Discomfort can be caused by weather - too hot, too cold - or it can be caused by pain and soreness, especially in the lower legs. People run through their discomfort just as a golfer accepts the discomfort of hitting thousands of golf balls on the practice range. No pain, no gain. How true it is. Had I not been able to run through the pain of fifteen and twenty mile training runs, I would never had been able to complete a twenty-six mile race. My success would not have been worth it had I not experienced the pain of training.

People who succeed in business or in other financial matters usually do so after giving of themselves to their jobs or careers. The higher one rises in a company is normally a reflection of the sacrifice he endures.

Sacrifice is required in nearly every endeavor worth the effort. There are few spiritual goals that result from an epiphany. St. Paul experienced an epiphany that caused him to quit persecuting Christians. In blinding light, he was thrown from his horse and was temporarily blinded. But, Paul also endured the trials and sacrifices required of him to become the apostle he became. In the end, he suffered the ultimate sacrifice - dying for his beliefs. Although there are still believers today who die for their faith, most of us won't be called upon to suffer in such a manner. Yet, if we are honest with ourselves, the fruits of our faith, the fruits of our beliefs, are the result of personal sacrifices we endure in our quest to grow in our knowledge of Christ. There are no gimmes. We do not grow much at all through osmosis. Our growth in Christ is proportionate to our efforts to know him through our religions and through scripture. There are no free passes.

If I am to lose weight, I will have to sacrifice. If I am to become better conditioned, I will have to sacrifice. I will have to push away from the table when I become sated. I will have to jog or run or walk even when I'd rather lie on the couch or engage in some other inert activity. I will not lose weight or become better conditioned by continuing to do what I am doing now. I will not receive any "gimmes" in my goal to improve my health.

I must develop a new attitude towards life. As I grow older, my natural inclination is to seek the easier life. If I look back over my life and if I am honest with myself I will acknowledge that the successes I've enjoyed, regardless if physical, spiritual or mental in nature or regardless if they involve my career, they have usually been the result of my personal sacrifices. Anyone who has enjoyed some degree of success in life will admit the same thing: success without sacrifice is worthless. Therefore, I must realize that age, alone, will not mean I will not have to sacrifice. I certainly will. Perhaps the difference is in the goals I seek compared to the goals I sought when I was younger. My goals are not as lofty as they once were but, considering that I do not have the physical skills I once had, my goals are still challenging and worthy.

I do not expect gimmes. If I desire a goal bad enough, I must be willing to sacrifice. I must be willing to sink the putt before I pick up.

© March 2001

William Charles